Friday, July 31, 2009


I have visions in life and sometimes my imagination outrun my mind; I must be the most beautiful, outrageously illogical and downright manipulative women who possess the magical power of making people think that female vampires are alive.

My boyfriend is a perfect guy the most eligible bachelor who knows all the right reset buttons to switch on in a women ,he is the most smartest guy who enlightened me about the fact that Bangladesh is not a part of India anymore ,I mean bullshit 10 years of my life I wasted on drawing a map with those little pencil crayons that I used to snatch from my brother’s drawer …….what happened to India ,what am I going to teach my kids that “hello ,children’s ,your mommy don’t know if Kashmir exist and if we are still allow to paint Arabian sea” ,I get sad over a fact that my India is getting smaller day by day. At the age of 20 I came to know that Nepal was never India’s part, but hey it was not my fault my mom friend used to bring this cheap cosmetics and she didn’t even needed a passport to cross borders ,how was I suppose to know that ?. anyways the point is that my guy is just perfect and I don’t see any flaws ,so it gets tough for me to find one ,cause I like irritating him and watching his eyes getting squeezed and he wrapping me in his arms and saying “sorry sweetie for you being born this way”, I love his sarcasms and the way he look into my eyes and that twitching smile and the same question “do you know who is the president of our country niya”, oh my God ,I wrote in my general knowledge paper some three years back when Abdul kalam Azad was our president ,I wrote Man Mohan Singh and sometimes I cant sleep with this fact ………anyways the point is that when you find a man who just smiles when you give him all the dumbest reasons to roll on the floor and laugh your ass out ,and he just kisses your forehead and then goes to bathroom and you can hear him laughing in their not in front of you for half an hour

All right my most embarrassing moment; my Capt .sahib who I love madly once asked me to wear his combats which I may tell you was my idea, I watched top gun and also this ‘A’ grade movie where they do ‘it’, I mean the female was wearing combats and those heavy boots ……what I mean to say is that I wanted to see ,how would I look in combats ,so I decided to wear it .After 15 minutes of shouting “yepeeeeeeeee nish,I’ll finally will see myself as a soldier and how sexy will I look ” something bad happened ,all right though the jacket fitted me ,oh no I cant lie I’ll tell the whole truth ,I wasn’t able to wear the last two buttons of jacket “oh fuck, that happens when you eat lot of chocolate pastries to swallow your emotions and that’s the truth and the virtual fact which happens with every women. Does it not?, anyways years of reading those cheesy cosmopolitan articles and those self help operas book which says “that women should be confident with those belly tires and how to hide scales under the beautiful gowns and the most important thing which these garbage’s teach us is self-confidence, so I was very confident that at least I’ll be able to fit into the pants .but “oh, what the ‘F’ ,breathe niya breathe ,try don’t give up ,you have to wear these pants”, OH MY GOD ,I started crying why let me see ,I think ,how should I say this ?,I think nish waist is 28 and mine 32 ,I was so sad that I just sat on the urinal ….what ,oh no ,how am I going to show my beautiful face to him? ,and suddenly he yells “niya don’t try if it doesn’t fits you ,you will ruin my combat ,I have to wear it in my office”, it felt like somebody has thrown pin wala bomb on me (the one we see in movies that green one ,WHATEVER),anyways after seeing the chocolate brownie which he ordered to cheer me up ,as the dog watches a bone ,I stood their swallowing my own saliva, he said “don’t worry when I will come in next leaves I will get “FAT”(what the hell is wrong with THIS guy ,I am not fat ,I am just healthy…WHATEVER) and then you can wear my pants ,when a man says that ,

For women small thing matters like a man she loves telling her ,his debit card pin number ,I know PIN NUMBER OF nish too strange how women can by heart some 4 numbers as if her life is based on it, “yepeeeeee,that means he really love me”?. ANYWAYS …..ENOUGH OF STUPID BAKWAS , I was just wondering what love is ?(the devil laugh)……..(oh fuck,I have spend all 1500 bucks which he gave me to pay his net connect bill,(giggle and devil laugh both ,let see how my love ,I mean nish takes it …….hehehehehehehehe….COOL


Sunday, July 26, 2009


In life we grow up sometimes for all the bad reasons but I really think I am slow; I many times have difficulties making choices and deciding what’s wrong for me .For any normal being I am a mystery and they will have tough time getting through to me, even my parents they seriously get irritated cause sometimes I am too dark to be understood.

I have of habit of keeping my shoes neatly,I can tell in seconds that somebody has touch my things in my room ,I am not superstitious but I believe one should not circle or cross a dead body ,I hate people shouting at me and treating me as garbage and that is the only time I strike to make anybody pee in their pants .I can always forgive but I can never forget.

I am not a kind of person who has lot of friends, cause I hate being something which I am not and I am too straight to beat around the bush. I hate crying and especially in front of people and that is the only thing I try not to do. I am a complicated wreck and dumb one also.

I think when god made me, he must have expected me to smile and say thank you. But I must have laughed at him and may have made fun of him and his shabby cloth’s and beard and that’s why he hates me .I may get all dressed up cause I heard weather man say today will be sunny day, suitable for picnics and I looking all charming take my picnic basket and go sat along the riverside and in minutes it starts raining and there is a hailstorm…..that’s how God love playing with me.

One day when I was sitting and thinking “now what?” , and was in no mood to play with God 1 to 1 ,he must have looked at me and would have though to give me a most expensive and magnificent gift and while I was crying and writing my name in sand and waves kept wiping it off and all the time making me more angry ,he came took my hand and made me sit on a other stone which was out of reach of waves and then he wrote my name that too in big letters and wave couldn’t touch me because this time I was sitting on right stone where waves could only try to irritate me (
dumb of me not to think of changing places ).

When all people made fun of my hairs and my eyes, he came along to tell me that I was the most beautiful and adorable one and kissed my eyes .when I was unsure he just took me in his arms telling me it was not my fault though I new it was, when I was all alone he came along to make those funny faces and make me smile .when I knew I hate crying it really felt nice to do in front of him cause he cried too. Nobody have took pains for me or has said that I make things happen, but when he came along he told me that I was his lucky charm ,and that is enough for me ,I can live with him and have him as my precious gift. Now I don’t know where to post this letter, so I hope god you read it and ask Santa to give me my gift:

Dear God,
If you are playing with me and this is your new idea of braking my heart, please don’t because he is my life and if you want me to amend my faults, I ask sorry to you and will never make fun of you, please let me have him, I will never want anything in my life. You know I have been unhappy and also many times I have made efforts to make things right but you know its not my fault I was little girl and I never understood the meaning of love and now I lay down every night fear stricken that you will take him away. He is the only one who can make me smile ,the only one who knows the music in me ,the only one who tries to fulfill my dreams without getting irritated or agitated .when things were falling around me ,he hold me in his arms and sooth me till everything begins to calm down ,when I was afraid to fly he became my wings so that I can soar high, its like when he kiss me ,I feel blessed and like a little child ,I can loose all just to be his…I jus want him so I can take care of him and earn all his love .I know you probably will be thinking right now and having wine and must be still little angry with me but I am ready to change and be what you want me to be ,only if you could make me his so that I can feel precious all my life and if god you hate me and wont give me what I asked for then please take care of him.

But I am still your little girl and I accept my wrongs ,please try forgiving me and let me have him ,he is my angel and my kaala Bandar and also thank you for these 5 special days ,you don’t know how you have given me reasons to smile and be happy once gain

Love you

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


“Hi sweetie, my leaves got cancelled, I may get delayed, are u listening? Hello, hello [very sad voice] hello…”

You could easily see my knuckles becoming hard ,my mouth going dry and tears just made there way through my eyes .I was standing but now I had to sit ,what is happening to me ,sudden pain in my heart ,I knew this would happen ,why why why? , “I hate you ,I really do nish ,you really hurt me ,I knew this would happened but you promised ,I hate army and I hate your job and I don’t want to live with you, I am not strong and I am not tough ,I want a guy who sits near me and at least I can hear him laughing, but you never there ,you always ask me to have patience and that’s all I have ,I am leaving you .

you don’t understand niya ,these motherfuckers screwed up ,I’ll try still ,I am angry ,please if you love me stand by me ,I love you with all my heart ,only you can help….please don’t leave ,I don’t know why this happens to me but I’ll try ,I can understand I feel the same ,sweetie I love you……

she bangs the phone ,how can he do that he promise ,I hate stupid army and its officers ,they don’t care .and with heavy heart she cries till she understands what has she done ,she has hurt a guy who she loved most, who always makes her happy ,how would he feels sitting on 14000 sq feet above a clear land with nobody to tell him that things will be all right, how tough it would be for him to call his mom and tell her that she should not prepare anything as he is not coming, how tough it would be for him to cancel all reservations ,all those things he was looking forward too and moreover how hard would have been for him to stand there on the call and hear his senior say that he will have to start unpacking as he is not going, how tough must be for him right now to make his heart understand that he will not be able to meet his friends or family or his love …….

Shit shit shit and she tries all the exchange number ,for an hour she just dials and dials , “god please let me talk to him ,I promise I will never hurt him again .Voila ,then somebody picks up the phone but on the other end ,one could easily recognize by the voice that the guy was sleeping and he is very angry that some pain in the ass is disturbing him , “namaste bhaia ,Capt. ,nish?”{With all the sweetness she could manage to pour in, so that guy don’t snap at her” ) and then there is a torturous silence and she gets worried, have they seriously disconnected her call and with the possibility of the known fact tears just starts rolling down the cheeks, and she starts crying not even realizing that the call is still on and then she hears the sounds of heavy footsteps as somebody has came running and has attacked on the telephone so that he doesn’t miss the call “niya”(name clearly uttered with chocked voice and with a very sad heart).

I am sorry nish .I am wrong ,stupid and heartbroken ,Every night I close my eyes so that I could see the next day and be more excited that you will be here with me .And it breaks my heart to know that you will not be here .I don’t hate you not even a little bit ,I respect you and I called to say that I’ll always be here waiting for you …,no matter what happens I am going to make everything right and we will be together ,till then I will just love you more and more, for a while I did forgot that I was a girl of a brave soldier and that why I have to brave too .

“No ,don’t say it niya ,you will make me cry”, “no please nish let me say ,I make you worry ,I shout and I don’t understand ,you are so innocent that you always make a way to help me and save me while you are so far away, sometimes your words stab my heart fiercely but you do it because you cant see me fall and you live with the fact that you will not be there physically to protect me .I never understand how bad you must feel to not be in civilization where men of your age are having fun. How you read reviews of a movie in an old newspaper and get all happy just looking at the pictures, how sometimes you miss all the happy moments being celebrated in your family knowing that you will not be a part of it .How you wait for my letters so that you can feel little bit important that somebody is waiting for you. How you walk every day for half an hour on slippery road and bad weather so that you can make a call and listen to what I have to say. And I know how hard it would have been for you to tell me that all the things which we were planning from four months would not be possible this time and how utterly disgusted you must be feeling right now…..I also know that you must have had too many cigarettes because you made me sad and you made me cry. And I know if you could have done anything to make this moment right you would have fought and screwed up everybody’s happiness but as you are my most naïve and my innocent guy, I know that you will not play with your people but you will try to make it for me even if it’s only for few hours…..

“Will you just shut up and listen to me”,conveyed with immense happiness and roaring laughter and suddely i felt a two year old kid and he said “baby you ask sorry when I make mistakes, you cry when I get hurt and you get worried when you see me being sad or angry. The funny part is two hours back I saw a women who loved me and was hurt and now I see a women who portrays herself to be brave so that I can sleep softly on my bed but in heart she stills want me to be there , and so I will be ,I may be two days late but I will fight .If I don’t get a leave which I an entitled to, I will deny all the leaves which will be given to me in future , this time I will not let you down ,I’ll be there and I will look forward to see you in all those dresses that you purchased. I sleep with your letters tucked under my arms, every day I look at your pictures and comfort myself that sooner I will be able to see you. I am a soldier, a favorite child of God, and I believe with all my heart that this can’t be it, I deserve you and I’ll prove you this...

“Sahib,mausam kharab ho raha hai ,chalna chayie” , “huhn ,niya love you and thank you for forgiving me and letting me have sweet dreams .take care”

A man of few words and a very high character, somehow I was not angry now but felt more loved and trouble ridden, happy enough to close my eyes in hope to see the next day and wait for him to come so that he makes me sway….

Monday, July 6, 2009

Nil illegitimo carborundum...............

I think there is a divine power, who watches your every move and when he thinks that one is trying to be a jack ass, he brings them back. I have been such a jack ass. Unbeatable, Enigma who can make things fall but would never fall herself .basically people said, “Look at you, change or one day you’ll be beaten badly”. And I used to look at them and smile and throw some them sarcastic comment .I was little devil but the innocent and naïve one ,free from all troubles and heartaches If you would have asked me, three years back to change, I would have spit on you face and would have said to “go fuck yourself” .

Then one day life made me trip over and when I woke up I was surrounded by walls, a room where there was no light, nobody to smile at or love .First time I was alone, scared and shaken but my attitude and ego was still their, as strong it can be. That time warning was unheard, life was saying, “Change or you are going to be in deep trouble Missy”. And then series of unfortunates accidents happened .I was being beaten and people were as usual full of shit, who would laugh with you in your happiest times but leave you when you are scared and troubled. There were times when I didn’t eat for days and as little bit ego was left, I didn’t even ask for help. Life was making me realize that I was common like any other common soul. My logics and my theories were changing and with that I was becoming more stubborn, irritated and disastrous, it was hard for me to even imagine that the world was too ugly to look from naked eyes. I was a reject from hell and first time I was laughing at myself and asking “if I still have got my wits left".

I believed that crying is a sign of weakness and people who do are the weakest. I never cried not in front of people because for me it was like letting people hurt me more. When I started working I had one friend but we got separated because I was too right to be wrong with her. After year and a half while I was walking on a road I saw her looking very beautiful carrying packages from Van-Heusen and les femme. Looking all rich and successful she was an assistant manager in a firm ,funny part was that we started together and I stood there with just 100 bucks looking for a bus and she was stepping in a car. I didn’t wanted to meet her ,but when have I got what I want .She came to me and asked to sit with her for an hour which I did ,because I could see her genuine interest in me and a look which said “I am still your friend”. I sat in her car and was listening to her but at the same time was feeling hot and thirsty ,I felt poor ,not even in fit state to ask her if she could open the windows. But I think that she noticed the sweat on my forehead and so she switched the AC on. And after that we just sat for few minutes in silence wondering what we can say to each other to feel the warmth in our hearts. She tried and asked me to switch on a radio with giving me proper details but my hands were shaking and I was living in a drain which had left me with no knowledge of technology or expensive life .I was wide-eyed poor kid who didn’t know what glory feels like.

We went to CCD I was embarrassed cause I couldn’t offer her a coffee cause I just had few bucks ,but she offered and I said no ,I was not ready to except anything I didn’t deserve. It was my turn to step forward and ask if she wanted to go to this place I knew where u don’t get coffee but tea that too of 3 rupees each. And she kept my respect and cheerfully nodded and we instead of taking her car decided to take a walk.

“Don’t have to be strong in front of me ,I am your friend ,just tell me if you need help”, I was too chocked with my emotions to answer ,I wanted to but I couldn’t tell her that I want my life back, I continued looking down ,tears were gathered around my eyelids. And then she stopped and uttered sorry and started crying .And I knew we both regretted what we did, which no best friends are suppose to do .She screwing me and I for not being there when she needed me most, I realized I should have held her and told her that what she was doing was wrong and all I did was not helping her.

If somebody you love is in trouble you will want to help her, likewise if you are in trouble somebody else would want to help you if he loves you.

It took me 10 years to understand this fact, which I do now .I decided to go back to my college with little help from her, she knew I would never be able to work in a corporate and this time she told me sternly and gifted me the book “The Road Ahead”, actually Bill Gate helped me too

Everything had to start badly because I was not the same old me, I had lost too much and confidence was one crucial thing which I knew I didn’t have, It was hard for me to walk in place full of people, I bunked classes which left me with more disgust because I couldn’t face anybody .I was more afraid in a classroom, I knew the answers but didn’t had guts to raise my hand,I was afraid that I will go unheard. But they say second after god is your teacher, she helped and I started doing better. At least I could speak without getting disarmed at what others think.

I was living in a PG with 7 females, and only three liked me but were too scared to tell me so after 4 months I was thrown out because I didn’t understood the fake games of my girlies and again I lost and was rejected .Being rejected was becoming a habit, I was rejected on a telephonic interview call for Air India. And again I tried for AHA, cleared the rounds somehow but when the last round happened with CEO, I forgot what I was being asked and was numbed for whole 15 minutes .I was told on my face that I wont be able to do it.

My parents didn’t understood my lack of indulge ness. And I was not to keen on asking for help and they still don’t .Things are still not the same though I have managed to keep my head above troubles but it is still ridiculously not over. Now when my ego is being subsided I am still looking for a miracle .For me happiness is still surrounded with sadness .Today I stand alone and somehow I have reached a 4 lane highway where there are no signs of direction or distances and I have to choose a way and recall all that I have learned :

All relationships are based on giving and receiving and nobody can help you sort out things until you help yourself.

When the times are tough stand to walk ahead, decisions taken are always right but taken at a wrong time.

Changes are a life’s way of making you strong and successful; to prepare you for the worst and its all right to change because it will only make things more smooth.

Nobody has got a right to give you pains, if they do so, leave right their .You were born special, wrong or right its silly to make other people make you regret.

I am not telling this story to be popular or to gather unspoken affection or love. I am doing for all those who believe they can, who are not wrong but happen to be at wrong place.

When troubles surrounds you,
Some turn up their sleeves
Some turn up their noses and
Others don’t turn up at all.

Moreover I am righting this for me, because I am ready to give myself a head start and so can you.

Successful people are those who build Palaces by the stone people throw at them.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Our lives are full of contradictions. They are often sad, little, comic, funny... That’s why our lives are often a target for our sarcasm and humour.

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The square pegs in round holes. The ones who see things differently. They aren't fond of rules, and they have no respect for status quota. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the one thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things. They push the human race forward and while some see crazy ones - we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that can change the world, are the ones that do.

Dodo was a bird who got extinct because she thought she was the most intelligent one, story supposedly told by Major Prashant Mishra who calls me one (I don’t know where he gets all these weird ideas. ) anyways he is the guy who I am trying to understand from last 8 months , and the productivity of my research is zero .Someday he sits and makes me listen to those loud [ROCK] songs which leaves me with a migraine ,which he thinks is romantic .Other times he just becomes indifferent ,as world’s trouble has fallen over him. And he is a superman with the ability to leap from one end to other [scary] .Though he is easy to understand when he is not talking. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?

Princess she is outrageously unbelievable most shocking proof of omen power of a woman on earth.I bet she can put any fauji to shame .why? let me see she knows things which not even a IMA pass out would know.She is a female Rajni Kant who can kill three men with one bullet .She makes jokes and then she explain you the logic as in why you should laugh. sHe is known as a miracle comic. if she's funny, it's a miracle!

Sneha other superficiol yet extraordinary female who is an assitant working for Saton on earth.She carries a bundle of severe torrcherous reasons and logics on her shoulder .Ever try making her understand any righteous fact ,it will feel like as if sitting on an electric chair where after sever shocks giving to you ,one throws a bucket full of ice water[where ice is their,and which hurts],and you cant shout because your mouth is covered with duct tape .Their are two theories to argue with a women ,and with her niether one works.

Kawaljeet singh ,the most confusing and optimistic guy who thinks women are gods gift to show a man his way (despo), He likes female who dosent like him and even if they do ,after two months they realize that he is ireplaceble and not to be promoted .He is a caged bear who is left in this beautiful world where 26 and 28 [he can only see them] are moving around ,grapes in their hand calling kawal for one chancE[which he hallucinates].Reality is much more painful ,everytime he says to woman “Your place or mine?, the answer of a female is “Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Sandy he is classic collection of melodies which are out of tune, a guy who knows everything, who can beat you on every topic and the guy who is memorized about gazals and fankars. He is a god, people thank him for insulting and his friends are the one who have been insulted. He makes onion cry. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Sandy can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

Jai he is slow and handsome ,perfect example of why men are stupid .if he likes a girl , you bet he will propose her after seven years and when that girl will reject him ..he will start liking ghost and vampires pictures and after when he is drunk ,he will give you the most unheard abuses that one would end up rolling on the floor ,as nobody will be able to stop laughing. And while he is all tragic, we his friends will be partying to make another hilarious story. A kind of a guy who if licked a cobra, then cobra will also start laughing [imagine]

Lt gaurav juneja aha………! It’s painful to even talk about him. If you want to die just talk to him for three hours and you will be dead. And god will put you in hell cause you didn’t took interest in what he said [poor soul].its like with him even a happy dog will become lazy and sad .and both will be drinking coke[he doesn’t drink ] and wondering why bad things happen to him. A kind of guy who doesn’t know where you live but where you will die.

Rakhi the most beautiful boss where her subordinates hit on her and she hit them back with her devilish tricks. A queen of bottom ups who can kill two stones by one bird [statement is not wrong, she really does]
Who takes three hours to get up dressed and who after getting drunk like dancing on horny songs. The female Dilar mehndi who on an English song dance in Punjabi style. A killer who twists men’s heart by calling them bhayia [one can see two broken pieces of a heart of innocent guys] but all is forgiven when she smiles. A kind who can even drown a fish.

But in all they become the part of my live .princess once wrote when I was all down in my life “don’t feel bad when I shout at you or don’t talk to you that because I know you need to be corrected or you are capable of handling a situation alone. They all are my Gems who make me lucky and so I love them very much