Sunday, July 26, 2009


In life we grow up sometimes for all the bad reasons but I really think I am slow; I many times have difficulties making choices and deciding what’s wrong for me .For any normal being I am a mystery and they will have tough time getting through to me, even my parents they seriously get irritated cause sometimes I am too dark to be understood.

I have of habit of keeping my shoes neatly,I can tell in seconds that somebody has touch my things in my room ,I am not superstitious but I believe one should not circle or cross a dead body ,I hate people shouting at me and treating me as garbage and that is the only time I strike to make anybody pee in their pants .I can always forgive but I can never forget.

I am not a kind of person who has lot of friends, cause I hate being something which I am not and I am too straight to beat around the bush. I hate crying and especially in front of people and that is the only thing I try not to do. I am a complicated wreck and dumb one also.

I think when god made me, he must have expected me to smile and say thank you. But I must have laughed at him and may have made fun of him and his shabby cloth’s and beard and that’s why he hates me .I may get all dressed up cause I heard weather man say today will be sunny day, suitable for picnics and I looking all charming take my picnic basket and go sat along the riverside and in minutes it starts raining and there is a hailstorm…..that’s how God love playing with me.

One day when I was sitting and thinking “now what?” , and was in no mood to play with God 1 to 1 ,he must have looked at me and would have though to give me a most expensive and magnificent gift and while I was crying and writing my name in sand and waves kept wiping it off and all the time making me more angry ,he came took my hand and made me sit on a other stone which was out of reach of waves and then he wrote my name that too in big letters and wave couldn’t touch me because this time I was sitting on right stone where waves could only try to irritate me (
dumb of me not to think of changing places ).

When all people made fun of my hairs and my eyes, he came along to tell me that I was the most beautiful and adorable one and kissed my eyes .when I was unsure he just took me in his arms telling me it was not my fault though I new it was, when I was all alone he came along to make those funny faces and make me smile .when I knew I hate crying it really felt nice to do in front of him cause he cried too. Nobody have took pains for me or has said that I make things happen, but when he came along he told me that I was his lucky charm ,and that is enough for me ,I can live with him and have him as my precious gift. Now I don’t know where to post this letter, so I hope god you read it and ask Santa to give me my gift:

Dear God,
If you are playing with me and this is your new idea of braking my heart, please don’t because he is my life and if you want me to amend my faults, I ask sorry to you and will never make fun of you, please let me have him, I will never want anything in my life. You know I have been unhappy and also many times I have made efforts to make things right but you know its not my fault I was little girl and I never understood the meaning of love and now I lay down every night fear stricken that you will take him away. He is the only one who can make me smile ,the only one who knows the music in me ,the only one who tries to fulfill my dreams without getting irritated or agitated .when things were falling around me ,he hold me in his arms and sooth me till everything begins to calm down ,when I was afraid to fly he became my wings so that I can soar high, its like when he kiss me ,I feel blessed and like a little child ,I can loose all just to be his…I jus want him so I can take care of him and earn all his love .I know you probably will be thinking right now and having wine and must be still little angry with me but I am ready to change and be what you want me to be ,only if you could make me his so that I can feel precious all my life and if god you hate me and wont give me what I asked for then please take care of him.

But I am still your little girl and I accept my wrongs ,please try forgiving me and let me have him ,he is my angel and my kaala Bandar and also thank you for these 5 special days ,you don’t know how you have given me reasons to smile and be happy once gain

Love you

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